24 Jun 2020

Widow Wednesdays

Welcome to Widow(er) Wednesdays. A new way for me to share what worked, what didn’t work and what could work better.

Fight to be and Stay Inspired

In the midst of all the pain and confusion that follows when we lose someone we love it is hard to remember that life can also be good, and that it is a beautiful world filled with mystery and awe inspiring wonder.    It can also be incredibly hard to remind ourselves that our sorrows as well as well as our joys (past and present) are all a part of our on-going story. When I found myself feeling sadder than I ever thought was possible, I needed to dig deep and fight for my life.  I had to work to be inspired, hoping that one day, I would again live a life filled with love, laughter and joy. There was no choice but to fight because the absence of these things from my life had taught me that they are not to be taken for granted. To get the life I desired I had to fight to be and stay inspired.  There was no other way.

I learned that to re-wire my brain I have to create new memories and new experiences even if it means initially faking it.  Over time and with practice I discovered new ways of creating happiness in my life.  It’s  been a fail forward process with bumps along the way, especially in the beginning: and sometimes it was hard. It is far easier now.

Creating a new life is work and some days were more of a fight than others. The pull to remain in the status quo, even though it’s unpleasant, is always strong.  The more familiar any of us become with the status quo the more challenging it becomes to strike out into the unknown. However, for things to get better they have to also change.

Einstein said…

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again,

but expecting different results.

When it is time to shake things up, it’s time to shake things up. Or better still, when something isn’t working try something else.

My weapons of choice (I could call them tools but weapons is more accurate) included TED Talks, real life stories of overcoming brutal adversity, inspirational daily readings to ponder over breakfast, travelling to new places, learning new skills and my old favourite, walking on the beach.  Each of these weapons chipped away bit by bit at the hold that grief and sorrow had on my being and the non-stop rhumba it was doing in my brain.

On hard days I would listen to a TED Talk before I even got out of bed. Passionate people doing amazing things tricked my brain out of thinking about having to live another day without my beloved and into wondering about all the fascinating things that go on in the world.  Clever, right?

I now also have a great feel good dance mix on my iPod for when I either need to build energy or diffuse it.  And of course, when all else fails I know that I need to connect with others. Connecting reminds me that I’m not alone and that supporting one another in good times as well as difficult ones is what friends do.

Good luck, stay well and fight, fight, fight!

“It’s not about how many times you fall,

but how many times you get back up.”

Abraham Lincoln

Till next time,

Heike

Looking for previous Widow Wednesdays? Start here with Widow Wednesdays #1
Buy Heike’s book “Grief is…” here
To learn more about Heike (Author: “Grief is… thoughts on loss, struggle and new beginnings click here

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