Moving forward began with me taking one step after another when it was unclear of where I was going or how I would get there. Moving forward while grieving was like learning how to walk while carrying one of those massive cloth sacks that are strapped to your head. You know the ones that make it incredibly difficult to move without engaging all parts of your body? It is most definitely physically possible but in the beginning it’s gruelling. Stumbling and falling to my knees were part of the process. And yet, somewhere along the way I got promoted from being a sack carrier to being a water bearer. Grief and loss became less cumbersome and bulky: I felt lighter.
Being a water carrier still requires physical strength. But it was through learning to balance and walk in this new way that I was able to move more steadily and again, stand straighter.
Today, I carry my grief in my heart and to some degree also in my head and my body. I am grateful for this. And I am wise to the fact that moving forward means there will always be days when I will be called upon to carry the sack, and days when I will be the water bearer. It’s just the way life is. Grief and loss will come again. And moving forward will always be part of the process. That is what I mean by “moving forward.”
