Category: Things I wish I knew

18 Mar 2020

Gratitude is both next to impossible and essential when we are grieving. Don’t even think that I’m going to that place of being grateful because your loved one is no longer suffering or in heaven. That sort of thinking is flawed. That sort of gratitude is very messy and complicated – mostly because it stifles…

13 Feb 2020

1. Is he still alive? I thought he’d be dead by now. 2. But she lives in such a nice neighbourhood. I’m surprised she goes to AA. (only poor people are alcoholics?) 3. Wow! What did she do to deserve that? Upon learning that my brother and husband died 18 months apart: their deaths, my…

29 Jan 2020

A friend and I recently watched her ’70 something year old’ cousin marry her ’90 something year old’ fiancée. It was a beautiful ceremony. I was lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time. Otherwise, I would have missed witnessing this joyous occasion. For this, I am grateful. I wasn’t invited…

11 Jan 2019

Dear Mean Girls, Thank you for making me an outsider. The view from here is so much more spectacular than you will ever be able to imagine. To all the Carlas, Julies and Sues out there, I want to let you know that the kids who did think I was interesting enough to be friends…

02 Nov 2018

Many of us go through our days on autopilot surfacing into a state of consciousness only when something out of the ordinary happens. Sometimes it’s a moment of joy or something amusing that rouses us. Other times it is a crisis or a challenge.  But, for the most part we putter through our lives sticking…

09 Aug 2018

When you lose someone you love there will always be trigger days that follow. As the anniversary of a friend’s death drew nearer I had my first experience with trigger days. I was anxious and on the actual date I felt a sense of unexplained sadness all day long. It was 1987, I was twenty-four…

05 Mar 2018

Conflicting emotions tend to throw most of us for a loop. Are we angry? Are we sad? Are we relieved? Are we pleased? How is it possible we’re feeling all those emotions at once? It’s enough to shut down many of us or send us looking for some coping mechanism that drowns the confusion reigning…

15 Feb 2018

“Shit Happens” is sometimes the most appropriate and honest response there is. Though I had often used it in an off the cuff manner when a situation had gone wrong the sentiment that followed tended to be “Oh well. Let’s accept this happened and do our best to figure out where to go from here.”…

28 Jan 2018

Three and half years ago I moved back to Toronto. It never occurred to me that moving back to a place I had grown up in and loved could be so isolating. There are two easy answers for this: 1) the city had grown so much in the years I’ve been away that logistically connecting…

01 Jan 2018

A very short post. It’s kind of in keeping with “it’s the little things” theme. I know my friends well enough to know that they contribute to the community in many different ways AND I know they seldom talk about what they do. It’s just how they are. So when my friend Arron Best posted…